Sunday, January 11, 2009


In the past, I've been accused of not understanding the situations of parents because I have no children. Au contraire, mon ami, I understand plenty AND I do have children. Now, granted, I haven't raised them and they aren't tax deductions on my 1040A but I have had children. I'm also sympathetic and empathetic to those who have children living with them. Everybody's children are different so how they act in one household may be completely different in someone else's. Everyone has different variations on their belief systems which causes them to raise their children a bit differently. Some choose to put the needs of their children before paying their bills and, well, others don't.
I attended training for foster parenting a couple years back and, shortly before the application process was complete, I took a long hard look at my situation and realized that I need to be a hell of a lot closer to being consumer debt free before I even consider adding a child/teenager to my home. Kiddos are stressful--good and bad (kids and stress)--and being stressed about paying down my debt would take a lot of the attention off them.
My goal is to have all my consumer debt paid off by the time I'm 35. That gives me just over two years and it's totally doable...provided I don't add to what I've already got. lol. In May 2011 (when I hit that milestone), I will be five years from my first retirement and, hopefully, quite a few credits closer to my Bachelor's but...I digress.
Going back to kids, stress, and debt. If you are stressed because you have kids--you put yourself there. If you're stressed because you have debt--you put yourself there. I fall into the latter category and am working to get myself out. Now, when I say "stressed", I don't mean that it keeps me up at night though that can be the situation for some. Instead I mean: at the times that I do think about making the payments for my debts, and wondering if I'll be able to double this month's payment or will I have to pay a few hundred $$ to get rid of the squirrel condo that is situated behind my chimney, my body reacts with traditional stress responses--elevated heart rate and the like. I am not going gray because of my debts, thank God. Are you washing the gray right outta your hair?


Jenny said...

Having kids doesn't make someone brighter when it comes to understanding how to run a household, and neither not having kids doesn't make one worse. There are people who are born natural parents and there are those who should never have kids and should have been sterilized long time ago - drug adicts, mental cases and irresponsible are definitely in this group. they should never inflict their issues on innocent children. And yes, with kids comes responsibility - to make their life best possible and not subject them to poverty and hardship. if one can't afford to raise a child then they should never have one just because they couldn't keep their pants ziped. I wish there were more people like you responsible enough to realize what's good and what not.

Martivir said...

I found my first gray hair years ago. And I'm sure that by the time my kids are raised and out of the house I'll have a full head of it.

I think it all boils down to priorities and everyone's are different. While it would be nice to be fully debt free before having a baby, for us we settled with no credit card debt. The rest can be finagled. I stink as a housewife but I know the bills need to be paid on time and that the house does need to be habitable. Once the baby gets here that little fellow will be coming first before things that are not necessities. It's all a matter of priorities and hopefully common sense.

Amiyrah said...

I know that some have said "you wouldn't understand because you don't have kids" but the same has been said to me in the terms of "you wouldn't understand because you're not in my situation." You shouldn't have to explain yourself. Those of us with common sense recognize others with common sense and you definitely have it. DH and I joke sometimes that there should be a test you have to take in order to have kids, just like you have to take a test to drive a car. It's a bit funny, but sort of true. Like Jenny said, some people just should not be allowed to have children, because they lack common sense and the ability to prioritize and realize that kids come first, no matter what. If I had the choice of paying my minimum to my credit card, so giving me children a week's worth of healthy meals, I choose the meals. Plan and simple, common sense.

Nidena, you are an intelligent person who knows her goals in life. We already see that you make cute kids :o) and once you are in your ideal situation financially, you will be a kick ass mom :oP

centralillinoisian said...

Amen, Amiyrah.