I can't stop thinking about him. Maybe it's New Relationship Energy; maybe it's just seeing him as the man that he is; maybe it's both. I see potential for us. I see wanting to be with him often. I see wanting to be part of his world and having him be part of mine. I see a man who has been hurt and is unbelievably gun-shy. That, in turn, makes me pause. I want to reassure him that not everyone is as selfish as his last involvement appears to be; that not every woman is that emotionally immature; that I'm not every woman and especially that I'm not her.
Do I want him to change who he is? Not at his core. But I do need him to see that I, too, need some reassurance. I want to be told that I'm missed. I want to be told that I'm thought about. I want to be told that I'm important. I want to be told that the time in between visits seems to take forever but will go quickly. Even if being told involves no words.
I see a man who has aspirations beyond his current situation and that inspires me. I see a man who wants to want to plan for a future but is unable to due to shit that happened in the past. Or maybe I'm just hoping that he'll want to plan for a future at some point. I want to be trusted. I want him to see that I'm not out to get him. I'm not out to do him wrong. I'm not a wolf in sheep's clothing.
I want him to realize that the slow burn between us that has blossomed in the past month requires an adjustment on his part. And mine. I'm no longer in the background--a background that I didn't realize that I was in. I'm trying to be in the foreground but sometimes I feel like "out of state, out of mind" because the communication that I get is a response to something I've sent rather than initiated on his end. Daily, I tell myself to be patient; that I need to get used to him getting used to me being in the foreground. And that I need to have patience to let each day roll into the next.
Maybe I need to just club him over the head and drag him back to my cave.