Feeling a bit melancholy this evening. Probably because I've got an opportunity to slow down a bit and not be in fast forward during my days off in order to get everything done before I have to be at work again in three days. I had a glass of wine—my first in nearly a month—and, man! did it hit hard and fast. I guess that’s what happens when you give up grains and sugar for a month. One glass of Riesling and you’re done.
Anyhow, I've noticed that there is one fella at work that I’m attracted to. Not that I can do anything about that. I try to stick to the policy of not shitting where you eat as I've gotten older—shat where I ate when I was younger and it bit me in the ass—and it’s done me well...so far. Not to say I wouldn't consider dating this fella if he expressed an interest but why add MORE stress to my workplace. My job as an expediter does that well enough.
Been occasionally having the pity party for myself due to being single but mainly because I just have no social life in general. 12 hour shifts suck. 3-2-2 schedules on 12 hour shifts suck. Working with a bunch of folks that I can’t really become friends with sucks. Working with 95% men sucks. Only because they can’t really relate and I can’t really relate and the folks that are my age have a thousand kids or are married and nobody is available to just get together and just go see a movie or go shoot some pool or do whatever. I don't want to talk about their kids. I don’t want to talk about their exes. I don’t want to talk about my cats. I just want to get together, forget about work, and shoot the shit, while having a good time. Rant, rant, rant.
Okay, new topic. Ever look at a really ugly person who is dating someone and think: how did they find someone to date them? I mean, I know I've got my flaws but damn! Is my personality that bad that nobody would want to be around me? That it wouldn't compensate for whatever conventional beauty I don’t have? You know...someone may not be gorgeous but you don’t notice because they’re super funny or super nice or whatever. I mean, I’m totally human. I have my flaws. I’m not gorgeous but I’m not such a epic monster of a personality that nobody would want to date me. Maybe it’s the work schedule. Damn, I need to retire! I need a regular schedule. I need to not have rules about who I can and cannot date. If I want to date, get nekid with the 25 year old down the way, why not? 18 more months. They board for E-7 now. I’m not making it. My career has been too all over the place to make Master. I think I can look forward to just retiring in 18 months. I don’t think I’ll really have to make that big decision of “Do I stay or do I go?” 18 more months.
Time for another glass or Riesling. Peace out, all.
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