Eventually, you realize that not everyone will agree with
what you have to say or the way that you do things. And there is nothing wrong with that. You will also realize that some people have
thinner skin than others. That is their
issue, not yours. Many folks in today’s
generation are part of the “everybody gets a ribbon” mindset and this is going
to be a detriment when it comes time for them to survive life. In “life” not everyone gets a ribbon just for
participating. Not everyone is going to
be your friend either. That shouldn’t
even be a goal. Do you know how much
more convoluted your life would be if you tried to acquire or maintain everyone
as a friend? I don’t even want to
imagine.
If you look at
friendships as a series of checkboxes of commonality, not a one will check
every box but they should have at least one box checked. I feel like you need to have at least one
thing in common. It’s the one thing that
you can kind of fall back on when you’re exploring the personalities of each
other. My best friend and I, for
example, we have a shared history and we each love her kids like crazy—obviously,
her love for them is deeper and more enriched and more committed but there is
still a common love for them. The rest
of our lives are very, very different.
BUT, it’s the shared history that makes it so that we can continue to
grow and learn from each other. Think of
it like a “regroup” or a “recharge”—it’s the place that we come back to before
venturing out again.
In some cases, where there might have been enough boxes
checked, they become “unchecked” or, maybe, the wrong box becomes “checked” and
you have to just let that person go. An
example for that: I’d been friends with
a woman for more than two decades. Over
the course of a couple months, a few years ago, we had a disagreement that
resulted in her throwing everything that I had ever discussed with her—mistakes
that I’d made, bad decisions, etc—in my face as a defense to me disagreeing with
an action that she had taken. This
checked the “betrayal” box and I ceased communications with her. I don’t take offense to someone calling me
out on bad decisions—my best bud has done it many times when I’ve been a
bonehead—but I do take offense if it’s done in a poor manner and, most
especially, if it makes the person doing it a hypocrite. Don’t use the same manner of my dumbassness
to call me out. You just look stupid and
you totally lose the point that you’re trying to make. Simplest example: Don’t say ice cream is bad
while eating a vat of Ben & Jerry’s.
This logic can be applied to platonic relationships and
intimate relationships.
The other aspect of it is that a total stranger can easily
call out my dumbassness or pain-in-the-ass tendency and, provided they can
engage in a grownup conversation, I will eventually come around to their way of
thinking and concede their point. I have
gained at least two friends this way.
They gave me shit for something, stated the reasons why their point was
(totally) valid, and I couldn’t help but agree.
When you’re a grownup, you realize that it’s okay to have
disagreements. Just make sure that your
shit is straight before you call someone out on theirs.
