I hope you dance!

This year (meaning: since I turned 36 last May), I've been looking at my life and comparing and contrasting it to my mom's life during that same year in her life.  Especially as the time closes in on the milestone point that sent her life on a whole new trajectory.
When my mom was 36, she had two teenagers in the house--my brother was 17 and I was 13--and I know dealing with us was not easy.  My brother had always been the one to get in trouble and would lie constantly to try to cover up the trouble that he had got in.  I was busy dealing with Junior High and trying to not get in trouble like my brother but wanting to be like him just the same.
If you overlapped the years like they were two circles, this month would line up with a comparable year in her 36th year, it would be August of 1989--the summer between 7th and 8th grade for me and 11th and 12th for my bro.  Things hadn't even gotten really that difficult...yet.  In October of that year, it all changed.  I'm curious to see how April goes for me.  I'll still be deployed but that doesn't mean that my life can change as much as hers did.
Back to October 1989...Mom met someone and our lives would never be the same.  I can understand being unhappy with life's circumstances and wishing things would change but would you change them that much?  Or, more correctly, would you allow them to be changed?  Attractions between people can be ignored when you know that the disruption will be like a pebble in a pond and will affect more than just your life.  It's hard to see that, though, when you're in the grip of attraction.  The funny thing is: I never thought twice about it when Mom said that she and her friend, Norma, were going out with a couple other friends or that she had fallen asleep at someone's house.  I trusted her and took her words at face value.  I didn't actually find out that she was dating this new guy until a month or so later.  Even then, I didn't really believe it.
I'm not going to go into all the details that occured between then and now but I often wonder if she would have allowed all that change if she had seen a glimpse of where she's at now.  :(
Mom and I went through lots of ups and downs when I was a teenager, with the biggest one being when I got pregnant at 17.  That was probably the lowest valley in our relationship but I'm glad that, today, we are in the hills.  We're friends and I know that I can share pretty much anything with her; discuss any topic; ask any question and get a candid yet caring response from her.
We even have songs for each other.
Hers for me:
I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'
Don't let some Hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone?)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone?)

And mine for her:
Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
To never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
While you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

[Chorus]
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
But I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

[Chorus]

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings,
Cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
So high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.
Love you Mom!

Three (almost) down, (nearly) three to go...

I’m coming up on three months in on this “vacation” and although I can’t say that it’s dragging, it sure as heck isn’t flying by either.  Very little changes from day to day.  Every day we have planes that need to be caught, inspected, fixed, and then launched; lather, rinse, repeat every few hours.  I do have a new roommate—a Marine corporal in the Reserves.  This one is about ten years younger than me.  She’s from one of the Carolinas…I think North.  The important thing is: we work similar hours so neither of us are keeping the other awake.  Though, she does sleep about two hours more than I do in the mornings so I’m often getting dressed by the light of my computer screen.  And she usually stays awake for an hour or so after me but since she doesn’t care if I turn out the main light while she’s watching a movie on her computer, I’m able to fall asleep at a decent time…when we’re not staying up, talking. 

The savings account is growing at a good rate.  With the few deposits that I made in January, I’ve already netted $15 interest.  I won’t sneeze at that.  Anything is good with the way rates and returns are nowadays.  I’ve deposited more since then--to coincide with the Feb 1^st paycheck—and will continue to deposit as much as I can each paycheck.  My goal is to reach the max of $10,000 in deposits before I leave here.  I’m almost halfway there and will be by the time *I’m* halfway.  J 

Had another visit to the “salon” on base.  Got my eyebrows waxed.  Yeah, they went a little too skinny even though I said “No skinny, just clean.”  Oh, well, it was only $5 and they’ll grow back.  I don’t see myself getting them done again until I get home.  There’s going to be a “Works” done for sure.  Trim, highlights, lowlights, brows, and a pedicure.

I’ve got an Off-Base Adventure coming up in a couple weeks so there will be more to share then.  J

A massage on base...

I've been to the salon/spa twice now.  The first visit was to trim up the back of my bob.  The stylist did pretty good considering the language barrier.  What helped was that the back of her haircut was exactly what I wanted so when the translator asked for further details--I think the stylists are just most familiar with #2 on top and fade to #1 aka man-cuts--I was able to say "just like that."  It got a little iffy towards the end because the most underneath part of my hair is shaped in an "M" at the nape of my neck but we muddled through and my hair is no shorter than I'd like it.  I'm SO not worried about what the style would look like should I "hit the town."  Nobody cares.  My days are spent going to work, going to the gym, and being in my room; on my day off, I might venture out but, really, no matter the day, I'm throwing a beanie cap on my head and it's gonna get smushed.  Nobody gives a wazoo what anybody's hair looks like...provided it's in regs.  But that's a whole other story.
Anyhow...my second visit, I went in for a massage.  A full body massage.  Now, if you've had a full body massage anywhere reputable in the States, you know what an elegant experience they usually are.  You get a robe and some slippers.  You're often asked if you'd like a glass of water while you wait.  Then, when it's time, the masseuse shows you the room, asks you to doff your robe when they leave and then lay down under the fairly heavy sheet.  The lights are dim; it's quiet; there might be some aromatherapy wafting through the room; you're in a place of solitude and relaxation.  Yeah, not so much here!
You're lead down a corridor of "rooms" that are no more than cubicles cordoned off by plywood and sheets.  Sheets that are hanging on those large round hoops used for shower curtains which means: one big swoop and everyone is knowing your business.  There is no robe; there are no slippers; no glass of water while you wait.  You're asked to take your clothes off and lay down under the (should have been donated to the goodwill) sheet.  Let me just say that it's thin enough that I could almost see the various bruises that had accumulated on my legs.  So, because all I had were my workout pants (bootcut VS workout pants under my PT pants), I wasn't able to get the full body...just back.  Okay, I can deal with that.
The masseuse (a woman) stood at the side of the bed and started the massage on one side of my back and then moved to the other side; she then moved to the head of the bed.  Okay, I'm not really comfortable with some strange woman's breasts leaning against the back of my head while my back is rubbed.  Hell, I don't even want the boobs of someone I KNOW resting against the back of my head.  That was odd but, since it was shortlived, I did my best to ignore it.  Then she started rubbing the small of my back.  Every since my liposuction in 2009, I really have no fat there.  It was sucked out.  So, she's rubbing the crap out of my skin, into my bones.  I told her "It hurts when you rub there."  She proceeds to rub harder.  "Ouch!" and I move my hands behind me to get her hands away from me.  "Harder is good, no?"she asks.  "Not all the time," I say. 
After that, she asks me to turn over and I'm thinking: what is she going to rub if this was just a back massage.  Needless to say, my hands are covering the private parts up top.  She puts a towel over me and proceeds to rub my arms.  The whole time, through this whole massage, she's trying to engage me in conversation and I'm just wanting to tune everything out and zone.  That SO didn't happen.
There were just too many distractors for me to relax: her breasts having rested on the back of my head, her rubbing my back too hard, being one gust of wind away from everyone seeing my business, and the noise outside the "cubicle."  Did I mention the fella in the next cubicle that sounded like he *really* liked his massage?  Every once in awhile I'd hear a lengthy sigh come from that direction.  You know, one of those shuddering "oh, oh, ooohhh" sighs.  Yeah, way too distracting.
Now, I did all for two reasons: one, why not? I could use a good massage; and two, 'cause one of the guys at work wanted to know if anyone had had one on base and I thought "see reason one."  When I got back to work and was relating this story to one of the others who has been deployed here before, he told me that most of the women don't enjoy the massages and most of the fellas have no issue.  I'm sure.  If you have no problem with any of the distractors that I mentioned, it would be a great experience.  All told, thank goodness it was only $10 but I'm gonna save my pennies and pay the $$ when I get back home to have the experience that I'm used to.
I will go back for hair trims though.  lol.

Just a molehill...

So, that whole "sleep in spurts" thing kind of became the norm for me up til about two days ago.  And that, coupled with a high ops tempo (read: lots of self-induced pressure on myself), makes for an unhealthy me.  I made it to the gym pretty much every day of my first week; on my day off in my second week; and not all since then.  The lack of sleep was really not good.  I'd get off shift between midnight and 1:30am, hit the hay some time between 2 and 3am, and then my roommate would get up at 4:30am for her 6am shift.  I'd hear her when she got up then fall back asleep for a minute or two.  Then I'd hear her when she left the room to go take her shower and then fall asleep until she came back.  Then I'd hear her when she left at 5:30am.  I'd get up for my day around 9:30 or 10am.  Rinse, repeat, til a day off.
Since my last day off (I'm off today) I've had an incessant headache and, up til two days ago, soreness in my back, shoulders, and neck.  Every time I stood, I would give it ten seconds and lean on something when the throbbing started across my forehead until it stopped...another ten seconds or so.  Same thing if I went from a dark room to a bright room (i.e. every time I left the room where the TV is at work).
The good news is: my roommate discovered a way to help fix this issue (I envy her ability to sleep through noise and light changes).  She moved into a room that has a member that is Forward Deployed and I now have a roommate this also Forward Deployed.  Basically, we each have new roommates but they aren't here at the moment.  I got six hours of sleep in a row Sunday night and seven hours yesterday.  Still had the headache, though the back and shoulder pain has gone.  Went to Sick Call last night to see what can be done about that.  They gave me an IV (I'm not drinking enough water, go figure) and some Fenagren(sp?).  That stuff had me slurring like I was drunk and gave me the worst case of restless legs that I've ever had.  Really didn't like it.  I think I'd rather have the intermittent headache instead.  Anyhow, they put me on quarters for the rest of the night.  I think I went to sleep around 9pm last night and then got up at noon-thirty today.  15 hours, although great, is not the amount of sleep that I'm aiming for on a daily basis.  lol.
Bottom line...I now have the opportunity to get uninteruppted sleep and plan on doing so.  I'll be able to get back to the gym in another few days once my body is running on all pistons and this damn headache is gone for good.  Of course, I'm due to start my period in the next few days but that's bad only for one day.  lol.
As for work, I mentioned that we transport a lot of "out-of-towners" to and from their various locations.  When I see them in their seats, on their way "to" the hot zones, I look at their faces and wonder what they're thinking.  Are they scared?  Are they just wanting to "get this shit over with"? What are they missing most from home?  How long have they been away from home?  Will they come back on their own accord, wounded, or in a casket?  You really look at your mortality here.  THIS is where it "gets real."
It "gets real" when the plane that was broke for six hours is now fixed and the boss "greens it up" and it's in the air not three hours after you've signed off that last discrepancy.  It "gets real" when the boss has to break a jet out because of something that can't be fixed due to lack of parts and you realize that those 100 troops have to get off the jet and wait; which means that whomever they're replacing has to wait that much longer to come back.  THIS is the pressure that snowballed into soreness in my shoulders and back.  BUT, when the big boss says: "We don't expect miracles out here", you realize that it's better to take a little bit of time and fix it right than to miss something while trying to just get it done.  My inexperience is a hurdle but it's not the mountain that I was making it into.  Just a molehill.  A molehill that I can level in time.  :) 

Countdown to my 2013 birthday aka My Deployment

We left Dover on Thursday, got to Baltimore that afternoon and flew out that evening.  Our first stop was Ramstein Air Base in Germany.  I think we were there for about an hour or so.  We actually left Baltimore late and that kind of worked in our favor 'cause our layovers were shorter.  After Ramstein, we headed to Incirlik Air Base in Turkey.  We were there for, I think, two hours.  Our final stop was my deployed location.  It's an "international" airport but I think called international cause more than one country flies uses it.  The interesting tidbit is that planes that are made/operated out of here are not allowed to land at European airports 'cause they're deemed unsafe due to not being "up to code" as set by European standards.  Reassuring, isn't it? 
Anyhow, our military jets are in and out of here all the time.  I won't go into specifics but, let's just say that it's like Reno International Airport with lots of "out-of-towners" coming and going--most in uniform.
The base is small but I really don't mind that aspect.  You can walk EVERYWHERE except don't try to walk to my workplace.  There are armed guards with very big guns who will shoot your ass if you try to get past the guardpost.  Take the bus, definitely.
I spent Saturday getting settled in.  We landed at 3 in the morning and I wasn't able to get in my room until after 8am 'cause there was an issue with my key.  Finally laid down to sleep around 11am--mind you, I hadn't been in a horizontal sleeping position in two days--but slept in spurts.  My room is right next to the entry/exit door of the bay (think motel style with doors on the inside of the building) and folks were to-ing and fro-ing all afternoon.  My roommate got in after 6. So I decided that would be the end of my trying to get a nap just so that she wouldn't feel like she'd have to be quiet while I was trying to sleep. 
We have a few things in common--we've been in about the same amount of time (she hits 17 years this month, I hit 17 in April), she's stationed at Kadena currently and I was once upon a time, and we're about the same age. Some very distinct differences: she's married and has four kids, I don't; and she's Security Forces and I'm Maintenance (but really that's kind of similar too 'cause we both work with men, most of whom are young enough to be our kids lol).
I meandered over to the dining facility again (had gone the first time before trying to sleep) and had some dinner.  Saw one of my coworkers there so I was glad to not have to eat by myself.  :)  I had fried catfish, dirty rice, and mixed bell peppers.  It was actually pretty good.  I went easy on the catfish as it was a little spicy and my innards are adjusting to not eating so much processed food again.  After dinner, we walked around the Exchange 'cause TSgt R hadn't been in it yet.  Not much for the girls--we always have to make due with stuff that's geared towards the guys.  Though they did have quite a selection of women's shave cream, feminine products and dousche?  Do you not feel fresh, even after you shower?  Got you covered there.  Bwahahaha!!!
After that, TSgt R wanted to see if our ID cards were able to be retrieved from the folks that had them hostage--Personnelists used 'em to process us for something, I really don't know what.  They were in so we got them back then headed over to the smokepit.  I have a feeling that if I don't want to hang out by myself, I will be taking in some secondhand smoke on this trip.  :(  Oh well, the things we do to make friends.
Finally, it was time for sleep again.  I ended up staying up a bit and skyping with my bestest bud way over in Iowa and her daughter aka Miss Thang.  Quite cool.  Hadn't actually seen them in more than a year so that was nice to see their smiling faces. 
I think I finally hit the hay around 10pm but, again, slept in spurts.  I know I slept only because there were dreams that I remember having.  One had Jerry Seifeld in it.  I have no idea why but, none the less, he was in it.  Thank God it wasn't a sex dream.  I think I'd throw up in my mouth if it was.  At 3am, the cacophony of alarm clocks went off.  I think there was at least six that I heard.  Then a couple more at 3:15; still more at 3:30; and then my roommate's at 4am.  I got up shortly after she left at 5:30, surfed the net for an hour or so and then hit the gym at 7.  Breakfast an hour later and here I am.  It's 9am and I don't need to start getting ready til 10:40.  I think I'll try for an hour and a half nap.
My thinking is: sleep when I can, eat if I'm hungry, and workout whenever there is time.  I think that's going to be my existence here for six months.
37th birthday aka May 24th, 2013, here I come.

New endeavor in life

I haven't been here in MONTHS but I wanted to let you all know of a new facet of my life:
www.marykay.com/nicholenaprstek

The habits that you don't realize...

Last Saturday, I called my Little Brother's mom and explained that I couldn't continue to be her son's Big Sister. (I chucked the story idea that I mentioned in the previous post). I explained that it shouldn't be so difficult to get together. Since December, I've made plans to take him and have made it all the way to their house to discover that he was sick, or they had forgotten and had gone somewhere else, or guests and shown up unexpectedly and they had to go with them. And this wasn't just once or twice; we're talking more than five (but fewer than 10) times. That's a lot if you take into consideration that the town was snowed in for a cumulative total of almost three weeks in between Dec and the beginning of March; plus the various holidays and the family plans that go with that. So all in all, there was about eight attempts in two months that fell through. But that's not the point of this post. The point is that he and I were matched for more than two years. That's two years of every other week or every three weeks making plans to do something. Today I was thinking: oh, I should call Penny to see if Daevon wants to go .
I feel good that I ended it on good terms and I think that I prepared him for his next stage in life. He'll be ten in May. When I woke up last Saturday morning, I woke up with the feeling that God was saying: you've done your part, it's time to let him move on. I don't think I can provide what he needs any longer...as far as being a Big Sister. I don't think my next Little will be a Little Brother. It was really too difficult. I don't feel like we really connected. My next Little, in six months or so, will be a Little Sister.