Tuesdays at Forty: A New Normal

For the past two decades, I've had to be at work at a consistent time on a regular basis.  It was either 6, 7, or 7:30 when I was dayshift; 3pm when I was swingshift--which I haven't been on in more than a decade; or 6 or 7pm when I was on nightshift.  For a few years, there might have been a stint on graveshift and having to be at work at 11pm but that was as shortlived as swingshift.  Of course, there was that six month stint of deployment where I had to be at work by noon, but, for the past six months or so, I haven't had to be at work at any particular time.  And, for the past 3.5 months, I haven't had to be at work at all and was on vacation for much of that.

I've been home from that vacation for two weeks now.  And other than the occasional shift at my part time job, for the most part, I have no job.  Not any job like I've been accustomed to for 91% of my adult life--20 of the past 22 years, you do the math.  It's just odd.  Before, I would stress if I was up until 1 or 2am.  "Oh, shit!  I have to be at work in seven hours.  I better get to sleep." And then toss and turn all night.  Now, being up until those hours is quite the norm (it's 12:48am as I type this) and then I get up between 9 and 10am.  Every day.  Just surreal.  Even when I have to work at the part time, these hours of "awake" don't have any negative effect on my shift.  I'm kind of working swingshift when I do work so I guess that's why.  But, still, although my "awake" hours are pretty consistent, the demands on my time aren't.  Hell, there's barely any demands on my time.  

I really like this new phase.  This New Normal.  Being unshackled from a set schedule, among other demands from the previous phase, is quite awesome.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Tuesdays at Forty: Long-Traveled and Unshackled

I recently finished up two road trips, totaling more than 11,000 miles.  The first took place in the month of April and I traveled through pretty much every state south of Delaware, to include Florida and Texas (which aren't southern states, if you ask anyone who is from either of them lol).  The second was a cross-country trip that encompassed every state along the I76, I70, I80 route between Delaware and northern California.

I did learn a few things: passenger vehicle drivers are, mostly, idiots when it comes to driving around big rigs (tractor-trailers, for you eastern folks).  They seem to think that they can cut in front of an 18-wheeler and hit the brakes like it's no big deal.  They also don't realize that it really isn't safe to drive with only one car length between them and the trailer when that truck is trying to pass another truck.  Do they think that being closer make the truck drive faster?  Their sheer presence will "push" the truck faster?

I also learned that truckers, nowadays, are asshats.  I was taught the art of headlight communication at a very young age, having ridden passenger on long roadtrips with my mother, my father, and/or my grandfather.  They taught me well.  Unfortunately, it's, apparently, a lost art now.  In all my travels, these past two months, my headlight communication was acknowledged fewer than five times.  In 11,000 miles.  Do you know how many trucks I drove near in that time?  Thousands.  And fewer than five acknowledged my "Hey, it's safe to move in front of my vehicle in order to move out of the way of that douchebag who's climbing up your ass."  So rude.

My biggest "lesson" though wasn't really a lesson so much as a realization.  For 20 years, I've had to worry about fitting a specific mold: Must be this physically fit, must not have a waist larger than X, must conform to this dresscode.  For the first time in 20 years, I didn't have to fit that mold.  My first act of rebellion: I dyed my hair purple.  Bright, vibrant purple.  It has since faded to a deep plum but it was beautiful that first week.  I haven't worked out in months and I relaxed like crazy on what I ate.  As a result, there is more of me to love but, you know what: I don't have to fit into that mold any more.  I don't have to worry that I will lose a career because my waist is 41" and won't be down to the required 35.5" within a month or so.  The irony: I will probably lose it faster because I'm not stressing losing it.  I can do whatever sort of physical fitness that I want.  I don't have to run, do pushups, or situps--required elements of the AF PT test.  I can swim.  I can walk.  I can ride a bicycle.  Hell, I can just do yoga for the rest of my life, if that's what I want to do.

My time is my time.  And I can live it deliberately, making choices to do things that I want to do.  What are some things that I want to focus on?  Strengthening my faith, helping out a friend in her bookstore, and getting more involved with the local chapter of Team Red, White, & Blue.  There will also be some physical activity and eating well in my future but I don't make any specific declarations because I tend to not stick to those declarations when they're made.  I'm just going to do my best to find contentment in my life and help others do the same.

Take care!

Me, rocking my TeamRWB t-shirt.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Tuesdays at Forty: My Faith is Nichiren Buddhism

My first exposure to Buddhism, in terms of going to a gathering/meeting, was about ten years ago shortly after I arrived at Dover AFB.  An Air Force Chief told me about the group that he was a part of and I attended as his guest; but only that one time.  A few years later, a friend of mine reintroduced the idea of it when she called me a Bodhisattva of the Earth.  I was intrigued and sought to learn more.  I started attending weekly chanting sessions and felt a welcoming that I hadn't felt in a long time.

Now, I have to be honest.  I was wary of this welcoming.  I had felt something similar when I first started attending "success meetings" in mary kay.  And those turned out to be all facade--mary kay is big on "fake it 'til you make it" and I didn't want this new feeling to also be a facade as well.  One key difference between the two is that I could actually express my concerns to my Buddhism group.

Unlike the mary kay meetings, my concerns weren't dismissed or poo-poo'd away, I was allowed and encouraged to express my concerns.  The other big difference: my group didn't want anything from me; except to help me find my own personal happiness.  I didn't need to buy or sell anything.  I didn't need to recruit anyone into the group.  My attending meetings and gatherings wasn't a reflection of how successful they were but, instead, it was about my own personal growth in the faith.  As a result, I WANTED to share my journey with everyone.  I didn't have to manipulate conversations down a path to which I could share anything.  If it came up, sure, I shared but, in most cases, it was just me and my outlook that conveyed that something was different in my life.

Now, each day, I'm excited to see the growth of those whom I've introduced to the faith.  They see, like I did, that there is no judgement in the following of Nichiren Buddhism.  Through chanting, you control how you react to changes in your life and you're able to realize even more options to the decisions that come your way.  The mere act of chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo helps to center you and helps you to tune out the distractions of the day.

I offer up this clip from "What's Love Got To Do With It" to show a nugget of what is entailed in our chanting sessions:

If this post piques your interest, you can search on the SGI website for more information or search "Soka Gakkai Buddhism (local city/state)" in your favorite search engine.

Tuesdays at Forty: "Happy Birthday to Me"

A new blog series for the upcoming year: Tuesdays at Forty.  It’s the first year in one of the largest transitions that my life has encountered thus far.  I’m no longer Active Duty and am no longer tethered to anything.  Seriously.  There is nothing that I HAVE to do.  I don’t HAVE to go to work—assuming my retirement pay kicks in a week from tomorrow.  I don’t have to move—I have everything I need where I’m at.  Yet, conversely, I don’t HAVE to stay in Dover.  There is nowhere that I can’t move.  My paycheck will follow me wherever I go.

I had the opportunity, during my travels since March 31^st, to see that I really have quite the opportunity ahead of me.  Nobody depends upon me for food or shelter or anything.  Everything that I do is because I CHOOSE to do it.  If I give away all the money I have after bills are paid…my choice.  If I am never home and am always out gallivanting…my choice.  If I adopt a hundred cats (P-U!!)…my choice.  It’s all my choice.

The first that I’ll do is to buy a new planner.  I really like a good “analog” planner.  Yes, I can use my phone for appointments but I really like to see what’s coming up in a “big picture” kind of way.  This AT-A-GLANCE "Branches and Blooms" planner is the one that I’ll be getting in a couple weeks.

After that, I can get myself on a schedule that best reflects the things that I need to do in order to be where I want to be in a year.  Some of those goals:

• ·         In school
• ·         Conducting workshops in local schools
• ·         Much healthier and stronger than I am now

In the meantime, I’m finishing up the roadtrip that began three weeks ago—two weeks to go—and doing a little reflection and pondering in preparation for the year ahead.  And every chance I get, I will remind myself to not take for granted the fact that I have the freedom to do anything, go anywhere, and be anyone because nobody depends upon my presence to exist.  I have an opportunity in choice to make great everything that I do, to make fun everywhere that I go, and to help be happy everyone that I encounter.  I won’t squander those opportunities.

Nam myoho renge kyo

The Last Stint on Nightshift

It's been a rough month.  I switched to nightshift at the end of October--Halloween and Daylight Savings ended on my 2nd night.  Normally, when I go to nightshift, I roll right into keeping the same schedule on my days (nights) off so that I can get accustomed to a regular sleep schedule.  That has yet to happen and I don't see it happening at all.  Three days after starting the schedule, I had a 9:30am appointment.  Didn't get to sleep until 1pm and had to be up at 6:15pm--my get-up time for my 8pm shifts. 


Almost had a sleep schedule down that week and then I had a 0800-1200 class on the 12th.  This really put me on the path to sleeping like a dayshifter again.  Five days later, another 9am appointment.  Then, on the 22nd, I had a meeting to attend for part-time job...at 9am.  Got home to a message that my grandmother--my mom's stepmom--had passed away.  Called my brother.  Called other family members.  Finally fell asleep around 3pm.  Up at 6:15pm.


Two days later, attempted to do my 8am PT test but a migraine had other plans for me.  Did go to a 1pm doctor's appointment that afternoon.  The PT test got rescheduled to a few days from now...at 2:30pm...go figure.  This is the second reschedule.  We'll see.  As it was, I had a 9am doctor's appointment and I'm still not on a night shift sleep schedule so I think I got four hours of sleep today, before shift, after sleeping like a dayshifter Sunday night.  Ugh.


Two weeks and I'll be on vacation--no need to sleep on dayshift then.  Hell, I have only six days of work between now and then and there's no stretch of more than three.  Why should I even try to sleep during the day.  Ugh.  Again.


January brings about a week of nights and then I'm having surgery with a couple weeks of convalescent leave.  Won't need to sleep during the day then either.  I should just go to dayshift but, then, I wouldn't get anything done that I've been doing at work.  lol. 


Back to the grind.

Veteran's Day 2015...Let's Revisit This Post...

From last year...
Veteran's Day 2014

With the Congressional pawn that the military has been and continues to be, I still can't recommend it as a career.  Every year, there are fewer and fewer who have served serving in public office.  It's a shame and I can only hope that it changes soon.  As much as Congress is cutting the numbers, there are fewer and fewer positions *to* serve in the military.  As our higher ranking officers continue to act like politicians--rather than the soldiers, Airmen, Marines, and Naval personnel that they are--it's really disheartening.
Those Generals and Admirals need to do a better job of looking out for their people rather than just looking out for their behinds.

A Milestone: 100th Post. 100 Things On My Bucket List (In No Particular Order)

1. Run a 10K
2. Run a marathon
3. Manage a bra store (of non-matrix sizes)
4. Own a bra store (of non-matrix sizes)
5. Own a chain of bra stores (of non-matrix sizes)
6. Make the Bonus for $800+ on a consistent weekly basis at WHBM in 2016 and beyond
7. Provide Self Esteem workshops on a regular basis for at-risk girls
8. Move to Carmel, Indiana (if it suits)
9. Finish my Bachelor's in Business Management by 2019
10. Write a book
11. Publish a book
12. Visit Niagara Falls
13. Have $10,000 in my savings account
14. Have $25,000 in my savings account
15. Have $50,000 in my savings account
16. Have $75,000 in my savings account
17. Have $100,000 in my savings account
18. Have no credit card debt when I retire from the military
19. Have no debt at all by the time I'm 50.
20. Fully implement the Kondari method of decluttering
21. Learn to shoot a pistol
22. Learn to shoot a pistol with accuracy
23. Take up archery as a regular hobby
24. Learn belly danicing
25. Learn ballet
26. Do either (or both) well
27. Get back to drawing and sketching
28. Learn to knit (again)
29. Go to Scotland
30. Take a Uniworld cruise
31. Go to Hawaii
32. Go to Ireland
33. Go to Prague and visit the Naprstek Museum
34. Write notes regularly to my friends
35. Send birthday cards to my friends
36. Write my memoirs
37. Get to know my SIL better
38. Learn to ride a horse
39. Learn to ice skate
40. Attend a Britney Spears Vegas concert without breaking the bank
41. Paint on a canvas
42. Create a book of photographs of a not-so-well-known photographer (love you Dad!)
43. Learn to waterski
44. Grow a garden
45. To make my house completely mine and in my taste.
46. Go to Harry Potter World in Florida
47. Be a tourist in Chicago
48. Be a tourist in D.C.
49. Take a cruise to nowhere
50. Drive a Camaro
51. Take up yoga
52. Be a tourist in Seattle (again)
53. Navigate a glider
54. Be a tourist in Jackson Hole
55. Stay at the Mohegan Sun in Uncasville, CT
56. Be a tourist in Providence, RI
57. Visit San Francisco again
58. Visit Las Vegas
59. Spend a week at a nice beach
60. Grow a garden in my back yard
61. Read all the books in my home library
62. Fix the attic
63. Finish installing flooring throughout the house
64. Install new carpet in the master bedroom
65. Repaint the exterior doors
66. Fix the kitchen door
67. Install new windows in the attic
68. Learn to golf
69. Visit Ground Zero
70. Visit the Holocaust Museum (but not on the same day as Ground Zero)
71. See the Spruce Goose and Queen Mary
72. Visit friends whom I haven't yet met in person
73. Visit family whom I haven't seen in years, decades even
74. For my other blog to become a well-known and recommended resource about bras and bra fittings
75. Learn to ride a motorcycle (and actually get out of 2nd gear)
76. Be an extra in a PG-rated movie
77. Meet Hugh Jackman
78. Find a career that I love so that I don't have to "work" another day
79. Find love again
80. Help someone change their life for the better
81. Help ten people change their lives for the better
82. Help 100s of people change their lives for the better
83. Find more worth in the real world
84. Make it through the next four months on night shift (always feels like it takes forever)
85. Fix up my bicycle so that I can ride it more often
86. Be more positive
87. Complain less
88. Do more good things
89. Do more for others
90. Be more selfless
91. Know that life
92. Isn't incomplete
93. If you can't
94. Make a list
95. Of a 100 things
96. That you want 
97. To Accomplish
98. In
99. Your
100. Life

This took more than a month to create.  I better get started.  :D